I Am Not Content.

     We're just gonna cut all the fluffy and get down to the real stuff. I don't know if this is a normal thing most 20-somethings go through in their college years, but I am beginning to become very aware of my weaknesses. When I say very aware, I totally mean it. I can pinpoint every time throughout the day where I behave in a way that is less than pleasant, or think a thought that is definitely not holy, or whine like a pouty child. Even worse, I remember each of these moments every single night before I fall asleep. Those have become my routine late night thoughts... "How many times have I screwed up today?"

     Quite frankly, lately it feels like... A LOT! Here's the catch. In addition to the laundry list of weaknesses I have, a predominant one sits at the top in giant letters - "FEAR OF FAILURE." I am terrified of failing, in absolutely any shape or form. So of course, when I think about all the times I have exhibited weakness throughout the day, an overwhelming sense of failure just looms over me. It just hangs there, blocking off any feelings of positivity or affirmation I could possibly conjure up.

     I've always had feelings of not quite measuring up, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was in actual words. A friend of mine - thank God for her - was actually the one who noticed and pointed it out to me over the summer. Knowing what it is puts me slightly at ease, but doesn't take it away. I almost feel like now that I know exactly what this fear is, I see opportunities for failure everywhere. 

     I know some of you are reading this and are either thinking I'm totally making this up, or exaggerating beyond measure. I promise you this is completely legit. But, it's kind of like the junk drawer of my life - the place where I'm messy and don't want anyone to see. Let's open up an incredibly embarrassing example. 

     I'm staying at home this evening (as opposed to on campus) in order to help my little brother study for a big theology exam he has tomorrow. We spent the majority of the afternoon going over his ridiculously long study guide. Now this was some heavy stuff. I'll tell you, for a freshman in high school, they're loading the philosophy pretty hard. Anyway, after studying for about an hour or so, I reached a point where I couldn't anymore. My back hurt, my brain hurt, and I was just not about it anymore. He started to ask me questions and all I could answer with was, "I don't know." Now you see, I took an entire night away from my routine to come here and help him... so "I don't know" wasn't going to cut it. So, I proceeded to frantically flip through his textbook trying to find perfectly worded answers for every question he had. "I will not fail him," I thought... as if I was solely responsible for my brother's performance on this exam. This of course, led us into another 2+ hours of studying. I should probably mention, I had an accounting assignment due at midnight that I hadn't started. Also, accounting and I don't get along so well. Naturally, what ended up happening was Danny and I staying up until 10:45 studying. He went to bed, still racked with unanswered questions and I had an hour to complete an untouched accounting assignment. "I will not fail," I thought to myself. Everyone in the house went to bed, and I sat at the kitchen table with papers sprawled all over trying to complete this assignment. I spent 45 minutes (out of my single hour) working three problems that I ended up getting completely wrong. Not even partially right, just little red x's everywhere. "I will not fail," I whispered to myself. So, there I go again trying to at least complete one problem correctly before my time runs out. I fill out all the little blanks (you wouldn't believe how many there are in one problem), and right as I'm pressing "submit," the internet goes out. Ha! That's right, 45 minutes of wrong work, and some extra only to end with a little sad face on my browser saying "Oops! Lost internet connection!" "I failed," I whispered after banging my hands on the kitchen table (which contradicts the point of whispering because I'm sure I woke someone up with the banging anyway). So I sat there and stared at my empty living room as the balls of stress - commonly known as tears - rolled down my cheeks. I failed Danny. I failed accounting homework. But, I was too busy crying to figure out what else I had failed at today. 

     Now that you have an incredibly detailed picture into the junk drawer of my life, think about your own. Do you have moments like this? Well, hopefully not exactly like this. But do you have a weakness that you feel dominates your life? I can almost guarantee you're not about to write a blog post on it for hundreds of people to read. It's against human nature! We're not supposed to want to share our weaknesses, it makes us so vulnerable! I almost wish there was a word stronger than that because even vulnerable doesn't begin to explain it.

     Now here's a real plot twist! Scripture encourages us to not only "gladly boast in [our] weaknesses," but "for the sake of Christ, be content with them!" (2 Cor 12:9-10). Umm, I don't think so. Fine, I guess I can find the courage somewhere to write a blog about it... maybe we can stretch that to qualify as boasting, let's completely throw out the "gladly" part. But heck no, I am not about to be content with it.

     You know what? I'm not content with it. I will never be content with it. But, I will be content with God working through it. Somehow, someway, the one who made me and knows me better than I know myself will find some way to clean out my junk drawer. Or maybe not... but He wont fail me. My junk drawer doesn't define my worth, my salvation, or His love for me. That, my friends, is something to be content with.

Where It All Started

     I've decided to combine two of the prompts from the "Blog-Tember" series to form this post. Firstly, What inspires you? And secondly, When/why did you start blogging?

     In my sophomore year of high school, I went through a period where my "thing" was writing. I could write about anything and it made me feel oh so good. Whether it was a few lines analyzing The Catcher in the Rye, or paragraphs about the latest Vera Bradley print (I was 15, don't judge), it was my escape. So naturally, I started a blog. Completely honest, my high school blog was lame. I was fully aware of that when I was writing it, and still am. It had no purpose, really, other than a distraction between classes. My blog lacked inspiration. As a result, it died. My posts became more and more sporadic until it was totally gone. 

     But the story isn't over! In my freshman year of college, I was kicked in the butt with inspiration. I had a major "spiritual awakening" (sounds much cheesier than I intended) that I couldn't help but share with people. It didn't matter to me if hundreds of people read it, or if I was the only visitor, I was writing for an audience of one... God. I was so amazed by what He was doing in my life, I wanted to document every second. How awesome it is that my lame sauce high school blog eventually grew into an evangelization tool! Before I knew it, people were reading along and finding inspiration in my humble words. Love it. 

     As Around the Round has continued to grow, my inspiration has come from the reactions of readers. I'm inspired by your curiosity, your hope, and your desire to share your triumphs and struggles in hopes that they'll speak to someone else. I'm honored to continue writing, and even more honored to hear your stories. 

Define Your Passion

     We continue on with our "Blog-Tember" challenge! Today's prompt... "I am passionate about __________."

     I think, simply put, I'm passionate about people. I'm a firm believer that people reveal more about the nature of God than anything else ever could. We are the crown of creation. That being said, it makes sense that each one of us carries specific traits that reflect who God is and what He's like.

     I think this passion translates into my personality and behavior pretty clearly. I'm passionate about spending time with people, finding out their stories, learning their likes and dislikes, observing their idiosyncrasies, and figuring out what makes them unique. It's a fairly simple concept, but one that I think we've grown to overlook in general. I'm passionate about understanding people as more than just my classmate, my boss, my boyfriend, or my roommate. I believe that it's when our relationship with these people supersedes their role in our lives that we're able to actually see God in them, see the divine footprint that He's left on each individual soul.

Happy Pills

     If having a blog has taught me anything, it's that I need to work on consistency. Ha! Seriously though, look at how sporadicly I post. Not a very good habit. Well, I'm hoping that (half-way) participating in Bailey's "Blog-Tember" challenge will help remedy this situation. She's listed 30 different prompts to write about that accompany each day of September. Being completely honest, there is no way I can make an honest commitment to blog for 30 days straight. I can, however, commit to 10 posts. So, with the help of some very important people, we've picked 10 random prompts that I'll be writing about throughout the month of September.

     First up... Write about what makes you happy, from the little joys, to the huge game-changers. In other words, if you could take some "happy pills," what would they be made up of? So here we go.

Soft sweatshirts. Ice cold sweet tea. Dainty jewelry. New boots. 

 Cookies & cream ice cream. Loud country music. Forehead kisses. Birthdays.

Old bibles. Houston skyline. Baseball games. Clean kitchens. 

Gilmore Girls. Fluffy pillows. Fresh sushi. Pedicures.

I love yous. New pens. Glitter. French fries. Washi tape. Big hugs. 

Soft pretzels. Manly cologne (... on a guy). Blow dried hair.  Thunderstorms.

Cougar red Fridays. Juicy red sno-cones. Cutthroat Kitchen. Surprises.

My kiko dog. Airports. CFA chicken minis. Jam sessions in the car. 

Affirmations. Flowers. Southern porches.

Bible Photos

     As of this afternoon, I've started a new practice of inserting pictures into my Bible. Within the past year or so, I've grown to really love Scripture. One of the great things about this was that often times, people would come to mind as I was reading the Word. Naturally, I'd write their name in the margin and move on with my day. But, I didn't like how subtle it was. I wanted something that would really stand out. I desired a way to make the Scriptures more relatable to my everyday life. What a better way than to associate them with people I interact with on a daily basis? 

Here are some pictures about what I'm talking about. (Once these people see this, they're probs going to kill me...)

     I know some of you are reading this and shuddering at the fact that I actually taped things into my Bible! Some logistics... I used washi tape, which lifts up really easily without damaging the pages or lifting the ink. Also (with the exception of the family picture), the other ones are taped alongside the margin. Therefore, they're easy to lift and read underneath. Another option is to paperclip them to the individual pages... your preference really. 

     The Scriptures really are one of the coolest gifts we're lucky enough to have. I encourage you to pick a copy up (or read it on your phone) and experience all the graces that come from immersing yourself in God's word.

     Hope you're all having a productive and/or relaxing summer. Have a super 4th of July!!

Sweet Tea Christians

     My family and I went out for dinner to celebrate my little brother's middle school graduation last night. Due to the fancy pants nature of the restaurant, I constantly had a waiter hovering over me ready to refill my iced tea anytime I took a single sip. I know his intentions were good, but my goodness that drives me crazy. If I had a list of pet peeves, this would be on it. You see, I have a system for sweetening my tea. The second you add more unsweetened tea to my already sweet glass, it throws off the whole thing!

     

     Ask anyone close to me, you do not mess with this girl's sweet tea. I am serious about that stuff. I have a life motto that I rarely share (because people will think I'm a little cray), "There are two things in this world that could never be too sweet: your tea and yourself." That being said, I have another thing that bothers me infinitely times more than refilling a half full glass of iced tea... not sweet people. Even more so, not sweet Christians. 

     

     You see, we as Christians are called to evangelize Christ to the world. It's not a job for a select few, it's a responsibility, a privilege, that we are all granted. But here's the issue - the way we work to fulfill that responsibility is sometimes the same way we fulfill our other (much less important) responsibilities. 

     Let's use an example to illustrate my point. Your boss asks you to market a new product. Naturally, you spend your entire 8-5 workday thinking of new and innovative ways to market that product. You alter your campaign depending on the age range of your audience. But then, at some point, maybe around 6:00pm when you've come home to your family, your efforts diminish. Maybe they don't cease completely, but you're definitely not as productive. Your priority is no longer that ad campaign. 

     We do this with evangelization. We rack our brains trying to come up with fancy ways to "sell Jesus" to those around us. We change our words and behavior depending on who we're interacting with. Our Sunday "work day" is over and we forget our task. We completely miss the point. Christ is love. You share Christ by simply being loving to those around you. Sure, this means those big showy acts of love like buying a meal for a homeless man, or visiting those in prison. But guess what, it also means being respectful to your parents, holding the door open for the stranger behind you, being friendly and affectionate to your spouse, not being snarky to your siblings, and smiling at people. 

     It is ridiculous, a waste of time, and incredibly hypocritical for us to "spend our workday" overcomplicating evangelization when we don't even put effort toward being loving, being sweet to those we interact with multiple times a day. Our world needs more Sweet Tea Christians, our world needs you.

Genesis 22

     Jesus wasn't lying when He said we'd be persecuted if we chose to follow Him. The problem with our perception of this statement is that we have an unrealistic view of the word persecution. You see, we're pretty lucky to live in a society where we face very little verbal or physical persecution for the sake of our faith (in comparison to other areas of the world). I'd argue however, that the type of persecution we face is just as dangerous. We face a type of psychological and emotional persecution when we choose to follow Christ.
     
     A strange phenomenon happens when you devote your life to God where suddenly those once closest to you may feel like complete strangers. People who do not share your love for Christ or passion for the Gospel look down on you with disapproval. Beyond that, some might even pity you. In a matter of moments, you can go from being perceived as a confident, driven, and successful young woman to a disillusioned, naive, undetermined, and weak little girl.

     We were warned this would happen. We've been told since little children in CCE that we may "lose friends" when we choose to put God first. (Although lets be real, anyone you lose in this process probably wasn't the greatest friend to begin with). We're well equipped with bible verses, praise and worship lyrics, and saint quotes to face these tough times! How may times we've heard St. Paul's famous words to Timothy, "I have finished the race. I have kept the faith!" Well, good for you buddy. 

     But come on! You know as well as I do that those words can only go so far. You lose one friend for the sake of Christ... okay. You lose two... alright that sucks a little bit. You lose three... by this point I'm a pro at this, whatever. What happens when the stakes get higher? What happens when the people you start drifting apart from are your family? Or your significant other? What happens then? What happens when the people who have given you the most love are the ones who fail to recognize the source of love itself?

     This is where things get real. This is where your faith is tested. Do you love God more than you love your husband? Do you love Christ more than you love your parents? If your answer to this is "I don't know..." or even "No..." you're not alone. In fact, this has been happening since the days of the Old Testament.

     Remember the story of Abraham? The old guy who prayed and prayed for a son, and God finally blessed him and his wife Sarah with Isaac! Just a few chapters later, God asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Yeah... sacrifice, as in kill. Can you imagine the inner turmoil that poor old man must have been going through? The pain and agony of even thinking about killing his child. Followed by the frustration that it was for the sake of God! Hopefully you all know how the story ends. Abraham is about to go through with it all, when God stops him! (Thank goodness. How awful would that story be if he actually ended up killing him?)

     Okay but here's the point. Abraham's faith was being tested. In that critical moment of truth, Abraham chose God over Isaac, trusting that God's plans were greater than his own. Obviously, God wants what's best for us - more than our friends do, more than our parents do. Not only does God want what's best for us, He knows what's best for us. In that moment, God decided losing Isaac wasn't what was best for Abraham.

     Final thought in the course of all this madness. Is it possible that you're Abraham right now? Is there something that God is calling you to do that is causing a distance to form between you and those you love the most? Don't get stuck on the first part of Abraham's story. Understand that God's plans are significantly greater than ours. He will never leave you orphan. He has never failed, and He most definitely isn't about to start. 

Donde Estas

     In my last post, I wrote about my realization of how desperately I needed God. I raised my white flag in hopes that God would come running at me like a warrior, ready to defeat all of my life's problems. Well, I'm very unhappy to report that I feel like I've been sitting on the ground waving my white flag to an empty room. In fact, it's become less of a wave - my arm is barely holding the thing up.

     I will say, I've received some consolation in the fact that some of our church's greatest saints also went through these periods of isolation. Mother Teresa actually wrote letters to some of her church superiors throughout the last 50 years of her life explaining this struggle. She even went so far as to admit that it was difficult for her to feel any bit of God's existence in her heart, or in the Eucharist. 

"I call, I cling, I want - and there is no One to answer - no One on Whom I can cling - no, No one. Alone... Where is my Faith - even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness and darkness. My God - how painful is this unknown pain - I have no Faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart and make me suffer untold agony."

     How I wish I could have a hang out day with Mother Teresa. Girl, I feel you! The problem with these moments of solitude aren't the moments themselves - but the idea that we can't share them with anyone. Real talk, if it wasn't for this blog I probably wouldn't be either. I don't have all the answers. I'm out of ideas on how to remedy this situation. Quite frankly, I don't think this post will necessarily help me on my quest to feel God's presence. But, my hope is that someone with a similar struggle would stumble across this and realize that they're not alone.

     All I've been able to muster up as a prayer recently is "Help me become more aware of your presence." But hey, eight words are better than none, right? 

Oh, How I Desperately Need You

     It's time for a real talk post. The thing about posts like this is that they get really personal really quick. But I'm a big believer in the idea that God uses our present circumstances to prepare us for what's coming next, and/or to help others who may be sharing our struggles. So for the sake of all that good stuff, here goes nothing.

     The past month, I have been repeatedly reminded of just how much I need God. For whatever reason, the weeks of February felt long and painful. It seemed like bad news was always looming overhead and just as things would start to let up, I'd be slapped with it once more. During moments like this, I desperately longed for consolation. But, I'm way too stubborn to ever admit the fact that I need a hug and a shoulder to literally cry on. Don't even get me started on the crying... so not my favorite.

     Well of course, my inability to be honest with my feelings left me to sit alone with them. Obviously, the best thing to do would have been to take it to prayer. I should have thrown myself into the arms of God and allowed Him to console me. But, there I went again... stubborn and unwilling. "I'm not that hurt. I'm okay. Today has just been stressful. I don't need anyone to help me." I'm sure what comes next is no surprise. Eventually, I fell. "Why aren't things getting any better? Why doesn't my family realize I'm hurting? Why don't my friends do anything about it?" Once you reach this point, it's easy to become frustrated with the people around you... as if they carry any of the blame for your current distress.

     The truth of the matter is, none of the people around us have the ability to console and heal us. Don't get me wrong, having a friend lend his/her shoulder to cry on is absolutely wonderful and totally necessary sometimes. In fact, we are called to be that shoulder for our brothers and sisters as a way of exemplifying God's love. But, this is only a temporary fix. The struggles that we carry, the failures we cling to, and the pain of our situation can only be healed by God. This requires extreme levels of surrender - a total feeling of lost control. And that, my friends, is scary. Even worse, it can appear lonely at first. We have to acknowledge that other human beings cannot and will not make our situation better. If we focus on that, it seems as if we have nothing left... and that feeling of loneliness is sometimes too great to bear. Take heart! In that loneliness, God calls. Audrey Assad says it best, "In the silence of the heart, you speak."

     I've reached the point where I need to be silent. I've raised my white flag and cried all over it. It's time to be silent, let go, and let God do His thing.

"You Speak" - Audrey Assad

Responding to God's Love

     It's been a while, folks. I've been a little lacking in blogging inspiration lately. Thankfully, this past Tuesday at bible study, I was struck with an idea. Our study last week focused on the topic of faith and works. We spoke at length about James 2:14-26.

     

     I've come to realize that many people incorrectly assume that Catholics believe we must earn heaven. Because of our disagreement with the principle of "by faith alone" in regards to salvation, it may seem as if we try to work to earn a spot in heaven. This is not the case. We do place significant importance on the physical works we do while here on earth. The reason why however, is not because it's a "rule." Rather, it's a response. Our good works on earth are a response to the faith that we have in God, the love that we have for Christ. 

     

     Whenever we talk to someone about our relationship with Christ, the conversation naturally turns to all the things God has done for us - "Oh look at all the blessings He has bestowed on me!" We use phrases such as "count your blessings" and say grace before meals as ways of recognizing the acts God has done out of pure love for us. God bestows His blessings upon us as a response to His overwhelming love for us. If even God does this, doesn't it make sense that we do the same?

     The motivation for our good works should never be to "earn heaven" or to simply "get on God's good side." Rather, they should be natural and appropriate responses to the great love that he continually pours out on us. 

     Okay I realize there wasn't a whole lot going on here... so I promise to post again soon with something much more thought provoking! Have a great week everyone! 

Short and Sweet Life Story

     Day one in the February blogging challenge! Here's my story, the shortest and sweetest version I could possibly come up with.

     It started back in October of 1994. I was born in the middle of the hustling Texas Med Center in the wonderful city of Houston. Born and raised, I was a southern girl from the start. But even better, I was born to two wildly entertaining Hispanic parents. The combination of the culture I was raised in and the one I was born into is one of my favorite blessings. We settled in the picture perfect city of Sugar Land, a few minutes outside of Houston... where the only things sweeter than the name are the people!

     I was baptized very shortly after exiting the womb and have been living the Catholic party ever since! When I was almost 5 years old, my family welcomed another baby into the world. My little brother, Danny, was born in September of 1999. He is, without a doubt, my absolute favorite blessing.

     I started attending a non-parochial private school until I was old enough to start at Catholic School. Side story - I started reading early (which might explain my struggle with all things math/science). As a result, I moved up to Kindergarten a year early and needed to reach a certain age until St. Laurence would allow me to enter in the 2nd grade. I spent the majority of my grade school at St. Laurence, the home of the Saints. How creative, I know. But, it was home nonetheless. For years, I associated school with plaid jumpers and mass on Friday mornings.

     Upon leaving St. Laurence, I went up a level in my "Catholic School Girl" status. I started at St. Agnes Academy, an all girls college preparatory high school. Yes, all girls. So much estrogen. People have their mixed opinions about St. Agnes, but I absolutely loved it. I also loved the fact that there was an all boys school right next door. This meant you could selectively decide when you did and did not want to see young men. Let me tell you, some days, sticking with girls is just much easier. While at The Academy, I got my first job, dabbled in theater, had a long term boyfriend, and served on the campus ministry team. High school was good to me, and for that I'm thankful. 

     In my junior year of high school, I also got confirmed. I was pretty interested in my faith at this point, so this was pretty exciting. Little did I know the graces that I was about to be flooded with! Another side story - I dig my confirmation name. Rose, from St. Rose of Lima. Check her out, she's fabulous.

     My first semester of college sent me to San Antonio as I attended St. Mary's University. I could start an entirely new blog dedicated to all the lessons I learned during my first semester of college. I was blessed with wonderful roommates, incredible experiences, and a fantastic scholarship. 

     For various reasons (more on this later if necessary), I transferred to the University of Houston in January of 2013. The journey back to Houston was probably one of my most life changing events. I'll admit, it was a transition that came with a lot of fear. There was a lot of change going on. My new school would be 10x bigger than my previous one. I would be living on campus with brand new roommates. My three year role of "girlfriend" was over. My grandma who practically lived with us was becoming increasingly sick. You could say it was a little bit overwhelming. But, God is so great. Romans 8:18 is SO RIGHT, "The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming." God absolutely blew me away with blessings during my first semester at UH. My faith was set on fire. I fell in love with Jesus Christ deeper than I ever knew possible. I came to understand myself better, found my passions, explored my talents, and just embraced all the joys of life.

     The rest of 2013 did not disappoint. I had the most productive and fun summer of my life. I worked as a camp counselor, started attending weekly bible study, became involved in the young adult ministry at my church, made new friendships, strengthened old ones, and got a killer tan! 

     By the time fall semester came around, I felt empowered. I had a clearer idea of what I wanted to pursue in terms of a career and a desire to grow deeper in my faith and help others do the same. I spent the fall semester praying for opportunities to put these passions into action. Of course, God doesn't disappoint. I'm happy to announce that I'm actively pursuing these goals, as well as new and exciting projects that have come my way. 

     Good job, people! You've managed to make it through my entire life story, almost! This is where I am now, living in the crazy chaos that is college. If these past 19 years have taught me anything it's that God loves us the most. Because of that, He has plans for us greater than anything we could ever come up with. Our plans will get messed up, our "perfect" lives will shatter. But when that happens, get excited. It just means He's about to surprise you with something so much better. 

2013: The Year I Learned How To Love

     I've never been the kind of person to make real New Year's Resolutions. Last year, however, I did something that might have constituted as one. I spent the last few weeks of December contemplating one word I could pray through for the rest of the year. On New Year's Day 2013, my answer was finally revealed to me in prayer: love.

     

     I spent the entirety of 2013 trying to learn what it meant to truly love... love myself, love others, and love God. Anyone who has known me for a while might have been surprised. I'm the kind of person that doesn't go a day (much less two hours) without saying "I love you." I had always believed I had love figured out. This past year proved to me how very wrong I was. But, it was the greatest and most valuable lesson I've ever learned.

     I'm sure we are all fairly familiar with some version of the quote by St. Thomas Aquinas, "To love is to will the good of another." When we hear this quote, it is easy for us to assume this is the way we love those closest to us. However, willing the good of someone, and actually dying to yourself in order that they may achieve it are two very different things. Authentic love is not complete without both parts. I begged God to challenge me this year - to give me the opportunity to exemplify authentic love in its most raw form. He did not disappoint.

     Love is not easy. True and genuine love is filled with times where it's anything but easy. In those moments where love becomes challenging, painful, and even strenuous, our mere humanity is not enough to hold us up. As Dr. Edward Sri states, "Love requires virtue." If you are not continually working toward becoming a more virtuous person, achieving this level of love is impossible. The difficulty of it will break you. We need God all the time, but especially in those moments. Moments like these require extreme levels of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. Genuine love challenges you to return to the person God made you to be - a reflection of His goodness. This is no easy task. It is an uphill battle against the effects of sin that are so prevalent in our world - especially apathy, a general lack of interest in the battle at hand.

     Love requires sacrifice. We were created out of love, and for love. Therefore, this sacrificial behavior should be what guides our actions on a daily basis. Are you the kind of person who lays down your life consistently, even in the small things? Honest self sacrifice should be evident in all your relationships - not just in a select few. The number of times that I've heard people say things like, "When I'm in a relationship, I am so attentive to my boyfriend's/girlfriend's needs" is appalling. If you honestly believe this about yourself, this is a red flag. Our actions of self sacrifice should never be conditional.

     Once again, as Dr. Sri says, "The way you practice is the way you're going to play the game." For most of us, this is our practice time. College is filled with years of being young, free, and unattached. If we cannot practice love in its most raw and true form now, we will not be able to years from now in our marriages and workplaces.

     If you're living ruled by a watered down version of love, ask God to help you grow. Ask Him to flood you with the graces necessary that you may cultivate the seven virtues in your heart. This will change your life, in the most wonderful of ways. Make 2014 life changing.

St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.

Breaking The Habit

     In my last post, I briefly mentioned the practice of focusing on the resurrection instead of the crucifixion. Here's where I've realized this can become a bit problematic. We have an awful habit of planning our own resurrections. I know most of you will read this and probably blow it off thinking, "Nah, I never do that." I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. We all do it, and we do it constantly.

"I'm going to keep my faith strong during this time of unemployment. I just know that if I do, I'll get the position I've been wanting."

"I know that if I just keep praying, my relative will be healed from his life threatening illness."

"I'm sure that if I'm just patient and trust in God's timing, I'll end up dating (insert name)."

     In each one of these scenarios, the desire to keep the faith and persevere though rough waters is there... and that's lovely! But what follows is the belief that we know what the resurrection will look like. Let's be real for a minute, how often in life do things work out exactly according to your plan? God's plans are not only usually very different than ours, but they are so much better.

     This is quite possibly the most difficult thing for me in my faith journey - attempting to strive toward a resurrection God has created for me, instead of one I've imagined myself. How fitting that I be writing this at the very end of the year. Looking back at 2013, I never could have predicted the events of my life throughout the past 12 months. I mean that with every fiber of my being. The current status of my life is 100% different than it was this time last year. And let me tell you, the resurrection I'm currently living looks nothing like the one I had imagined a year ago - it is a million times more wonderful!

     My advice to you, as we begin a new year, is to let go of your image of the perfect resurrection. Give yourself the freedom of watching God do His best work. Don't hold Him back with your amateur blueprints. Take a minute to define the areas in your life right now that feel like moments of crucifixion - your crosses, the difficulties you bear. Then, become aware of your ideal way to "fix" said difficulties. Lastly, let all of those go. I'm totally serious. Every time you find yourself daydreaming about your ideal resurrection, force yourself to think about something else. Offer up a prayer and let God do what He does best. I am promising you right now that you will not be disappointed. He will not only meet your expectations, He will surpass them. 

Resurrection Takes Center Stage

     This Houston girl has been exploring her roots for the past week while vacationing in Mexico. Right now, I'm writing from sunny (and rather humid) Cancun. This change of weather and scenery is absolutely awesome. Being able to walk around in a swimsuit at the end of December is one of the most marvelous things imaginable. In fact, if I were Maria in The Sound of Music, it would be listed in my "Favorite Things" song. 

     Although I'm on vacation, my Catholic duty to attend mass on Sunday doesn't cease. If anything, I'm even more excited about it. Due to some plans we had made for Sunday afternoon, my dad and I decided to attend Saturday evening mass. We ventured into what turned out to be an open-air sanctuary with a rather interesting look. You see, unlike any church I've ever been to, there was not a crucifix front and center. Instead, what took the main stage was a statue of the risen Lord Jesus. It completely threw me off guard. I'll admit, for a while, it even made me slightly uncomfortable. My thoughts were something along the lines of, "This is so wrong. We are completely overlooking the very core of our Christian faith by choosing not to highlight Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. It should be the focus of this very building."

Parroquia de Cristo Resucitado 

     Almost instantly, I realized just how wrong I was. I was completely 100% missing the point. The cross is not the end-all be-all of our faith. If the cross was it, there would be no Christianity. There would be nothing to believe in. Death would have won. However, by the very scenery of the church I was standing in, we know this isn't true. The true core of our Christian faith comes from the fact that Christ defeated death. He literally rose from the dead. The one part of life we know is guaranteed for our human selves, was overcome by Him. That's what the focus should be. This church got it right. 

     How often do we do this to ourselves? We lose perspective and believe that the core of our lives must be our crosses. Oh how foolish we are to allow ourselves to forget that God promises us moments of resurrection. We let the cross become our focus - and our perseverance merely ceases to exist. True perseverance can only come from a hope that there is something in store greater than the trial we currently find ourselves in. Never, not even for a moment, let yourself doubt that something greater is in store. God went to such great lengths as to sacrifice His own son for us in order that we may have a living example of this. 

     Through Christ's resurrection, the enemy was overcome. He hates this. Satan will do anything possible in order that you lose sight of the resurrection and instead become more focused on your cross. But you've got this. You have the spirit of the Lord within you, fighting for you ten times harder than the enemy ever could. Look up, friends. Look up and see the resurrection in front of you. Embrace the cross you're carrying with perseverance, for the prize at the end is far greater than its burden. 

Live For Your Purpose

     My heart was in Indianapolis this weekend. Thousands of high school Catholic teens spent the weekend at NCYC, the National Catholic Youth Conference, "a biennial three-day experience of prayer, community, and empowerment." Unfortunately, college aged Ivonne is spending this weekend in her dorm room studying for an upcoming economics test. Fortunately, I was able to catch Jackie Francois' keynote address on Friday evening though live feed. Thank goodness for technology.
     
     Most of Jackie's talk was centered on the idea that we are made for love. As your typical Catholic school girl, I've heard these words countless times. "Men and women are created in the image and likeness of God. They are made for love. That is their ultimate purpose." For some reason (the Holy Spirit at work) this struck me. The only thought that came to mind was, "If we actually believed that, we would never let anything but kind words escape from our lips."

     Really think about this for a minute. We were made to be images of God. When people look at us, they should see qualities that God possesses. How often do we give off other characteristics? I know for a fact I've given off plenty of other characteristics that definitely are not reflections of God. Just in the past 24 hours I've been patient, kind, loving, generous, and compassionate. However, I've also been sarcastic, dramatic, lazy, selfish, and apathetic. Sometimes, we allow our kind actions to hide the small but numerous actions motivated by qualities other than love.

     I'll admit, this is difficult. Making sure every single one of our actions reflects the image of God can feel nearly impossible. But, with help from the Holy Spirit, we can get better. It has to become habit. This will only come from lots and lots of practice. I challenge you to try this with me. Try it with a friend and really hold each other accountable. Live your life with intention - the intention to do nothing other than radiate the qualities of the incredible God who created you. 

Moments of Crucifixion

     Think about the last time you felt an unbelievable surge of happiness. I'm fairly positive that all of you can replay this moment in your mind, almost perfectly recreating the feelings and emotions that came with it. Sit with that for a moment - that feeling of utter and complete joy. These are the feelings of the resurrection.
   
     Now, you're about to dislike me for a moment. Think about the last time you felt heart wrenching sadness. Really think about it. Force yourself to go back and understand where those feelings were coming from. I'm willing to bet you were feeling much more than just sadness. When sad things happen, hundreds of other feelings often times come rushing in - disappointment, worry, betrayal, confusion, fear, etc. Those are the feelings of the cross.

     Here's where the contradictory part comes in. We, as Christians, have a rather difficult calling to consider feelings of the resurrection during the times of crucifixion.

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

- James 1:2-3

     You have to trust me when I say I know this is easier said than done. I'm not pretending to have all the answers. In fact, I struggle with this, a lot. But, here is one of the cool parts of having a blog. In moments like this, you can go back and reread your writing when things in your life were different. I took a look at a post I had written about two months ago, Joyous Christianity. 

"The critical theme in all of these verses is that the source of joy is always the Lord. This is not saying that God underestimates the happiness that we can receive from worldly things... However, God has a history of never "ripping off" his children, we are never offered the "second best." Throughout the Scriptures, every story presents God in such a way where He pours His best out for His children to receive. Likewise, He is making Himself available to us in order that we may partake in the relationship that will bring us more joy than all worldly pleasures combined."

- Joyous Christianity

     If anyone reading feels like they're stuck in the moments of crucifixion, I hope this serves as a small sign of hope. There is an Easter Sunday coming. I don't know when or how, but I believe wholeheartedly that is it coming. Please, remind yourself of that constantly... through all the events of your crucifixion time. Remind yourself of those wonderful resurrection feelings and look forward to their coming.

Note: In the same way that I hope you look to this blog for some insight, I do the same thing. I hope that the following blog posts by other incredible authors will speak to your heart as well.

"Broken"

"What To Do When It Hurts Like Hell"

Take Courage

     Last week, I had the chance to participate in a "Busy Student's Retreat" at the UH Catholic Newman Center. The logistics of this particular retreat were unlike anything I had ever experienced. For 4 days, all participants were asked to commit to 30 minutes of solo scriptural prayer, 30 minutes with a spiritual director, and 30 minutes of community prayer (daily mass/evening prayer). Although I was excited for the retreat, I'll admit that I went in with plenty of hesitation. How fitting that the Busy Student's Retreat took place during my busiest week at college thus far. St. Francis de Sales once said, "Every one of us needs half an hour of prayer each day, except when we are busy - then we need an hour." Well, I was super busy. So naturally, I was assigned to an hour and a half.
   
     During our first meeting, my spiritual director - a lovely woman, Sr. Anita - asked me to share with her my goals for the retreat. She asked, "What do you need to get out of this? What do you want?" It was a loaded question. I answered her simply saying, "Clarity. I need help figuring out what God wants. I want to more clearly see His will above my own plans." Each day, Sr. Anita would give me a passage of scripture to reflect on and share the next day. I dove headfirst into each one. I went word by word trying to somehow interpret the passage in a way where it applied to my search for clarity. Well, it didn't work. Each night, I would find some meaning in the passage, but it was never what I was expecting to hear.
   
     Let me give you an example. On the evening of Tuesday, October 29th, Sr. Anita asked me to read Mark 10:46-52. This is the story of The Blind Bartimaeus. Here's a little summary of the story, in "Ivonne language"...

Jesus and His disciples were walking along the road when they see this guy who's crying out 

"Jesus, have mercy on me!" Jesus notices what's up and tells his disciples, 

"Get him over here." So, the disciples go to the blind guy and say 

"Take courage! He's calling you!" The guy gets all excited and goes to Jesus. 

Jesus asks him, "What do you want me to do for you?" Blind guy says, "I want to see." 

Jesus says, "Alright cool. You can go. You have faith, so you're all good!" 

Then, immediately, the blind guy regained his sight.

     Alright, so I'm reading this thinking, "Well, I'm not blind. So, this obviously has nothing to do with me." But, I couldn't say that to Sr. Anita during my meeting the next afternoon. So, I forced myself to reread it again... and again... and again. I put it down and pretty much gave up. Eventually, I made myself pick it up once more, hoping to come up with something at least remotely useful to share with Sr. Anita. However, this time, it all made sense.

     I was (and at times, still am) the blind Bartimaeus. From the moment I walked into the retreat, all I was praying for was clarity, "I want to see." For the longest time, I had been frustrated that I wasn't getting immediate results. Ahh, but here's the kicker. I never actually did anything other than pray and wait to get answers. Nowhere along the way did I ever exhibit any amount of courage. There's a reason it's the first thing mentioned, folks.

     Most of us young Catholics right now have a huge problem in this department. We stress and worry about whether every single little decision we make is in line with God's plan. We pray unceasingly for the clarity to discern that. But, we don't ever do anything. The question I've begun to ask myself is, "What does taking courage look like for me?" I strongly suggest you ask yourselves the same question. But furthermore, actually answer it. Pinpoint the areas in your life where you need to demonstrate more courage. A friend once told me, "When you pray for courage, God won't give you the sudden sensation of being invincible. Rather, He will give you opportunities to demonstrate courage." I'm willing to bet all of us are given opportunities to demonstrate courage on a daily basis. Let's tackle them together. 

Birthday Blessings

     On October 21st, I celebrated my 19th birthday. Nostalgia hit me and I began to reflect upon the way my life had changed since turning 18 back in 2012. Although it was the hardest year of my life, it was also the one filled with the most blessings. The majority of these blessings came in the form of people - family members, new friends that I met for the first time, and old friends that I grew closer to. In honor of my 19th birthday, I present 19 of my biggest blessings - who they are and what they taught me.

     Please keep in mind, these are in no particular order. Also, I obviously consider my immediate family and oldest/closest friends some of the most incredible people in my life. However, for the sake of this post, I'll focus on the relationships that were recently developed or drastically changed within the last year.

1. Rachel Cantrell
Femininity is a gift that only women are privileged enough to receive. Embrace it fully.

2. Jose Madrid
Never settle for anything less than a man who loves God more than anything else. As a result, he views his sisters in Christ as treasures to be protected.

3. Eugenia Rivero
Living in such a way where your main priority is striving for virtue will bring you endless amounts of happiness and success.


4. Angie Rivero
A cheerful spirit and joyous demeanor is contagious. It has the power to completely change the atmosphere around you. Take advantage of that.

5. Annie Khuong
God puts people in your life at exactly the right time. His timing for friendships is infinitely better than ours is.

6. James Buitran
One of the best ways to invest in a friendship is to simply spend time with people. Take time out of your busy day to really just be with someone.

7. Shane Jones
If someone looks at your friendship and says they "see Jesus" in it, you know you're doing it right.

8. Stephanie Ruiz
If you believe something, you must not only love it, but defend it. Never be afraid to wholeheartedly stand up for what you believe in. Be a witness.

9. Aunt Molly Bringas
We don't become saints by trying to live up to unrealistic and perfect standards of behavior. We do so by living out our days with endless amounts of love.

10. Chris Koeppen
Friendship isn't measured by the amount of time you've known someone. Instead, it's measured by the amount of love you show to the other person not only in times of joy, but also in times of sadness.

11. Alexandria Harrison
There are good days and bad days. No matter which you're handed, always put your best effort forth. Never do anything half way.

12. Nolan Aparicio
Our family members are the first people we're exposed to. From them we develop our morals and foundation. Never take that for granted. They came first for a reason; keep it that way.

13. Chris Eumont
Where your passion meets the needs of the world, therein your vocation lies. If you find a way of life you love to live, you have to develop the courage to live it.

14. Giovan Cuchapin
When God puts someone in your life who genuinely cares for you and wants to see you succeed, treasure that relationship. Listen to what they have to say and let them guide you.

15. Claire McMullin
If you thought of your life as a challenge to "keep the faith," you have to find people that would be quality teammates. Thank God for these people, and never let them go.

16. Dr. Roy Joseph
Academic successes are important. It is necessary to work hard to receive good results. However, this idea extends past academia. It should be the way we approach our relationship with God as well.

17. Alexia Piquet
To be loved involves being fully known. Find people whom you can trust and be vulnerable with them. Your relationship becomes instantly strengthened.

18. Daniel Perez
Siblings often times know you better than you could ever know yourself. Not only is this a great quality to have in a family member, but also one of the best to have in a friend.

19. Grandma Laura Farias
The way you live your life will be remembered. Strive for a life that serves as a witness to God's love even after you've passed away.

     Lord, there are not enough words I can use to express how thankful I am for the impact these people have had on my life. I thank You for another amazing year and I can't wait to see what blessings this next year will hold.

Joyous Christianity

     I think it's time I address an issue that quite a few people have asked me about. Who made up the silly idea that in order to be a faithful and holy person, you have to be boring and grumpy all the time? There is nothing that irritates me more than a "tortured Catholic." I've always had this gnawing suspicion that in order to achieve true holiness, we must experience a certain level of happiness in our lives. Well, go figure, I was right. The Bible is gushing with verses concerning our call to live joyously.

"Go, eat your bread with joy and drink your wine with a merry heart, because it is now that God favors your works."

- Ecclesiastes 9:7

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit."

- Romans 15:13

"... I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and chant praise to the Lord."

- Psalms 27:6

"Restore to me the gladness of your salvation."

- Psalms 51:14

     The critical theme in all of these verses is that the source of joy is always the Lord. This is not saying that God underestimates the happiness that we can receive from worldly things, such as good food (referred to in Ecclesiastes 9:7). However, God has a history of never "ripping off" his children, we are never offered the "second best."  Throughout the Scriptures, every story presents God in such a way where He pours His best out for his children to receive. Likewise, He is making Himself available to us in order that we may partake in the relationship that will bring us more joy than all worldly pleasures combined. Try to grasp that. An intimate relationship with God will make you infinitely times happier than eating your favorite food, while partaking in your favorite activity, surrounded by your favorite people, as a result of your least favorite classes being cancelled. That is a lot of happiness, my friends. 

     

     Some of you may be thinking, "I don't have an intimate relationship with God, but I'm still happy. So chill." I don't doubt it, you probably are happy. In fact, a year ago, I would've made this exact same statement. I was perfectly happy and content with my life, not looking to change anything. Quite frankly, I couldn't imagine being any happier. I'm officially challenging your idea, it is possible. A more joyous life awaits you; I believe that with every fiber of my being. Just try it. Open your heart to a God who is absolutely crazy about you. He literally died in order to be with you.

     

     Here's the key idea. Giving him the chance to form a relationship with you should not mean cutting out all the fun in your life. Instead, you will start to recognize where true goodness lies... and that will bring you more fun and happiness than you could have ever imagined.

Christian speaker, Jeff Vanderstelt, speaks about finding joy in everyday life.