Music Obsession

I've been listening to this song on repeat for the past half hour or so. I thought I'd share! 

Reflections on Captivating #5

     We have reached the end of our Captivating series. I have to say, I am still perplexed by the number of blessings God has bestowed upon me since I started this book. My ability to understand and put into action the message of Captivating increases on a daily basis and I'm constantly being flooded with a deeper longing to become the woman God wills me to be.
     The most important message I got out of this book was the need to love. That sounds very cliche. But, through reading this text, I was able to break free from my preconceived warm and fuzzy notions of love. Captivating forced me to dig deep into my heart and soul and understand the true meaning of a self giving, vulnerable, and completely unguarded love... the love that we are created for. 
     In the past few reflections, I wrote about the fact that we as women constantly have our femininity assaulted. In an effort to participate in this genuine love, we allow ourselves to be very vulnerable. Unfortunately, this opens us up to attack. As a result, we vow to never embrace our vulnerability again. However, this means we also restrain ourselves from participating in genuine love. We cannot keep letting fear get in the way! God tells us that although we will suffer heartbreak from time to time, He will always be there to renew us. But, we have a duty to continue participating in authentic love, no matter how great the risk. 
     I personally have made a vow to live every day in accordance with God's vision of feminine love. My prayer every morning (on my walk to class) simply states, 

"Lord, help me exemplify femininity today. Give me the grace to love without hesitation and to invite others to do the same." 

     I must admit that when I first finished this book, I was not completely healed. I'm still not. There are still days where earthly lies creep in, and I doubt my worth. This does not mean I'm allowed to "stay in hiding". Jesus invites us to live as an inviting woman who possesses genuine love now, and to "find our healing along the way" (Eldredge 140). I promise you with every fiber of my being that this is worthwhile. As soon as I made a commitment to live each day as a woman of God, my healing process accelerated rapidly. 
     If I could leave you all with one thing I learned from this book, it is that God made us as women for a reason. There are no mistakes in our character. We are meant to be protective, emotional, naive, vulnerable, beautiful, and impulsive. Embrace all these qualities! Never allow rejection to make you feel as if any of these characteristics is a flaw. Live each day in such a way that "shows off" these traits; live each day in genuine love. 

"A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know Him to be worthy of her trust."

[Captivating pg. 137]

Beautiful Quotes

Reflections on "Captivating" #4

     Reflection #3 of this series probably left some of you feeling unsatisfied. I've explained the fact that our hearts our wounded. I've even explained the reason why these wounds are necessary. But, all of us share one common goal of trying to find a way to heal ourselves. That right there is our biggest problem - we try to fix ourselves. Why do we honestly think we have that ability? Obviously if we were capable of taking such good care of our hearts, we wouldn't have allowed them to be attacked in the first place. 
     For those of you that truly believe what was written in my previous reflection, you should understand that attempting to build ourselves up on our own is counterproductive. Now, don't get me wrong, we shouldn't throw ourselves a pity party and surrender to defeat. We should however, surrender to God. He is the only guaranteed way in which we will be completely healed. The world we live in is going to trick you into thinking that other things can heal you, but that's where we get ourselves into trouble again.
     We've already acknowledged the fact that nothing but a close relationship with God can bring us ultimate happiness. So, when those things fail, doesn't it seem silly to once again turn to everything other than Him? How preposterous does this sound? We live our lives running in this continuous circle. It's time to wake up, realize how dumb we're being, and change it! God is ready. You don't need to convince Him to heal you or beg Him for help, He knows your heart better than you do. All you need to do is give Him permission. We have a loving and just God. That means, He has not and will never FORCE you into a relationship with Him. But, like a patient lover, He is always present and available to help you. Let Him in! 
     I know that this isn't easy. It feels funny and a little awkward to tell the creator of the universe, "Okay, I guess you can help me now." But don't let that awkward feeling prevent you from asking. If you're having trouble, tell Him that! I have the hardest time accepting defeat and asking Him for help. But, instead of just forgoing that process all together, I pray to Him. Seriously, my prayer sounds so silly, "God, I know I need help but I really don't want to ask you for it. Will you please help me realize that I need you? Help me stop acting like I can do this on my own." 
     Realize that when we invite God to heal us, He is going to shake us. He agrees to heal our hearts if we work alongside Him. The way we do this is by forgiving. I sound like a kindergarten teacher, but we cannot go our entire lives holding a grudge. Just because you don't feel a deep hatred for someone at the sound of their name doesn't mean you're not holding a grudge against them. We absolutely HAVE to forgive all the people that have hurt us, not just ignore the pain that they caused. If we don't, we are allowing that wound to continue growing deeper in our hearts, even if we are convinced we've forgotten about it. Neil Armstrong tells us, "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made." Take my word, this is absolutely true. Just try it. But remember, forgiving is not saying "It didn't really matter..." "I probably deserved part of it anyway..." Forgiveness is saying "It was wrong, very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you, I give you up to God" (Eldredge 104). Forgiving does not mean telling someone "It's okay." Because quite frankly, it's not. It is saying, "I refuse to let myself become captive of the pain you have caused me. I refuse to allow this pain to transform into hate." As soon as we accept that definition of forgiveness, it becomes much easier to practice. 
     Don't allow your wound (whatever it may be) burn in your heart any longer. We don't need to subject ourselves to the suffering. God is ready to take it away from you... let Him have it! 

Reflections on "Captivating" #3

     In post #2 of this series, I wrote about the fall of humanity and how it led to the wounded female heart. Most can agree that this idea is true to an extent. But upon further inspection, it is apparent that this wound translates into our lives in the form of major life challenges such as the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, or the loss of a job. These are all moments that lead us into a feeling of despair, the moments that cause us to become angry with God and questioning Him as to "why" we are faced with such hardships. 
     I cant speak for everyone, but I always despised when people would try and make me feel better about something by saying, "This is all in God's plan." What kind of a god would allow something so terrible to happen to me? I've come to realize the answer to that question is simple, a God who loves us more than we could ever imagine. 
     I wrote earlier about how we have a habit of trying to find satisfaction in earthly things - our jobs, our possessions, our relationships, etc. We all know from experience that they can bring us incredible amounts of happiness. But, we also all know deep down (although we may not like to admit) that the happiness is limited. Something always goes wrong. Our job becomes difficult and we lose interest. We lose or break our possessions. Our relationships that were once perfect cause us to feel lonely and unloved. Why does something always go wrong? We led ourselves to believe that these earthly things could bring us the same amount of happiness and satisfaction as God. We were setting ourselves up for disappointment by appointing the job of indefinite satisfaction to finite means of entertainment.
     God uses these times to shake us up. He "blocks our attempts until, wounded and aching, we turn to Him and Him alone for our rescue" (Eldredge 97). God works in a gentle and mysterious way by disrupting our plans. He brings hardship to whatever it is that we have sought life apart from Him. (Eldredge 98). That right there is why something that at once felt so perfect and unbreakable can feel shattered and beyond repair sometime later. 
     We should not fail to recognize that it is during times of hardship that God is most present. As soon as we allow ourselves to really know this and believe it, our lives become so much simpler and worry free. We start to realize that when God breaks us, it is only because He's trying to reform us and build us even stronger. 

A Daily Gift

     I left my dorm building earlier this week and knew my day was off to a good start from the moment I stepped outside. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. It may sound like I'm describing a scene straight out of Snow White, but the sun was shining, a few white clouds were passing through the sky, and there was a subtle breeze. I felt like I was in a movie - walking to class listening to my cheerful music while my hair swayed to the wind. I know, it's so cheesy. But, you all know exactly what kind of day I'm talking about. It was one of those mornings that just makes you stop and revel in the beauty of it. 

     On my way back from class, I passed by the library to find a pink banner hanging from the balcony. It read, "Will you be my valentine?" I immediately snapped a picture and thought, "This is the sweetest thing." Imagine, you are walking around campus on a beautiful day thinking it couldn't possibly be any prettier until you look up and see that someone has put a banner up for you? Whatever person received that message must have felt that their "secret admirer" was not only giving them the gift of a lovely message, but of a marvelous day as well.

     While reflecting on how happy the recipient must have felt, I realized the silliness of my thoughts. I shouldn't be speculating on how happy this person felt, I should be acknowledging the fact that I've been receiving an even greater gift on a daily basis. That wonderful day I've been describing, God made that for me! Stop whatever you're doing right now and think about the most amazing sight of creation you've ever seen. Now remind yourself of the fact that all of that was made by God as an act of love for you, for me, for all of humanity. 

     It is apparent that whoever put the effort forth to make and hang the banner up feels a lot of love toward his/her valentine. Can you imagine how much love God feels toward us if He made all of creation as our gift? I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around that. Although I have trouble fathoming the extent of this love, I will admit that it makes me feel pretty great. Sure, no guy made and hung up a valentine's day banner for me. But, someone created the entire universe for me... and with that, I'm one happy girl!

Beautiful Quotes