Reflections on "Captivating" #2

     In last week's reflection, I focused on the characteristics of a woman's heart as described in Captivating. While reading these, I thought they were great. But, I also thought to myself, "What a perfect and incredibly non-realistic world." In our lives, we are lucky if we are able to fully express even just one of those desires. Why is this? Why are we hesitant to showcase our femininity and everything that comes with it? The answer to this million dollar question is the first sin, the fall of humanity as a result of the actions of Adam and Eve. 
     I know, it sounds ridiculous. You may be thinking to yourself, "That's such a cliché answer." But, it's true. You see, when Adam and Eve first sinned, they turned against their very nature. They went against the way God made them to be. A woman is graced with a sense of vulnerability. Yet, in the first sin, this vulnerability was taken advantage of. Eve was tricked! Satan used her vulnerable and innocent heart as a way to coerce her to fall into temptation. Men are granted a special type of strength, separate from that of a woman, that involves being a protector. But again, Adam went against his nature as a protector and failed to protect his beloved Eve from the wicked serpent. 
     As a result, we (the descendants of Adam and Eve), have been cursed with a flawed idea concerning the roles of a man or woman. Men suffer a loss of their strength - they either become a passive and weak man whose strength is ultimately surrendered, or a violent man whose strength is unglued (Eldredge 51). Women suffer a loss but in a very different sense. We lose our vulnerability. We become controlling, needy, and sometimes even dominating. 
     In an attempt to make up for this loss of vulnerability, we fill our lives with activities and commitments that allow us to keep up our independent persona. Instead of being open to love with a perfectly vulnerable heart, we lose ourselves to other things... things that do not come with a risk of heartbreak. In fact, "much of what we call our 'personalities' is actually the mosaic" of these other activities, activities that allow us to hide our vulnerable hearts (Eldredge 76). 
     I'm not saying that you need to stop partaking in all of the hobbies or jobs you love. What I am saying however is that we need to do a serious "spring cleaning" of our schedules and look at what is really bringing us genuine happiness and what is just serving as a distraction. Any activity that is worth your while will honor God, bring good to others, and allow you to proudly express all three characteristics of your femininity. 
     This reflection may seem depressing in a sense, but stay tuned! Recognizing the wound we live with (as a result of the first sin) is essential in order to understand how to work around it for our own happiness and the glory of God. Trust me, once you realize the extent of what you're working against, it's much easier to come up with a successful game plan to tackle it. 

40th Anniversary of Roe vs. Wade

     Today marks the 40th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, the supreme court decision that legalized abortion in 1973. Since that time, a striking number of more than 55 million babies have been murdered as a result of the culture of death that we are currently living in. Every time I hear that number, it fills my heart with aching sadness.
     I came across an article today where a pro-choice and a pro-life activist state their opinions on the current state of the abortion debate. This article, which you can find here, frustrated me to no end. Go ahead and take a look if you'd like. It's worth the read. 
     I think there is an underlying problem here. Women have allowed themselves to fall into the trap of not recognizing our ability to carry life as a gift. The ability to carry a baby in our womb for 9 months and then give birth is not a right; it is not something we fought for. We were born with this gift and with a duty to use it correctly.
     Deciding to have an abortion is a decision to "fix something that has gone wrong." The pregnancy came at the wrong time... The pregnancy came from the wrong person... etc. But we need to recognize that becoming pregnant is not something that went wrong, but rather something that went very right. Carrying life is what we are created for! It's intertwined in our entire female anatomy! 
     I understand that sometimes, this gift of becoming pregnant can be seen as an inconvenience. I plan every single moment of my life. Therefore, I can imagine how frightening it would be to find out that I'm carrying a child at a moment in my life where I am not suited to care for him. However, that does not mean someone else isn't. Adoption allows us to comply with God's will of respecting life, while allowing the baby to be raised in a family who is much more well prepared for his presence.  God chose to bring each human life into the world at a specific time for a reason. We have absolutely no right to question His timing simply because it doesn't fit our schedules. 
     Today is not a day for arguing over this topic. Rather, it is a day of prayer for a change to take place in the hearts of our society. 

Reflections on "Captivating" #1

     As you all may know from my first post about Captivating, the first part of the book was especially interesting to me. There is so much information covered that I've decided to split it up into two reflections, this being the first of them. 
     The text starts by analyzing the characteristics of one of God's most precious creations, the heart of a woman. John and Stasi Eldredge make a comment saying that they believe that the heart of every woman longs for three things: "to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty." In their words, these three characteristics "... make a woman come alive" (Eldredge 9).
     What I'm about to write may cause some controversy, but just bear with me. I agree with them wholeheartedly. I think that every single woman has these three desires, but they are all manifested in different ways. Don't let the way we think of "romance," "adventure," or "beauty" turn you away from examining this idea. The text goes into detail about each of these characteristics, but I'm just going to highlight some of the key points that really stood out to me. 

"To Be Romanced"
     We as a culture have a very twisted view of romance for the most part. Romance does not always mean chocolates on Valentine's Day, or flowers on your anniversary. Romance is when someone makes an effort to show love for another person. The way in which each of us does this is different. (Check out The 5 Love Languages). The attractiveness of being romanced comes from the feeling of being pursued. If someone takes the effort to "woo" a woman, he obviously has noticed her and has a great interest in pursuing her. Although the extent of it may very, "At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced" (Eldredge 11).

"To Play an Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure"
     Ask a woman to tell her about herself, and she will probably start with something like, "I'm [insert relationship status]..." "I have [x number] of kids..." "I am a [insert profession]..." We have a habit of defining ourselves through our relationships. This is the reason that we often times feel so broken when one of our relationships fails. If we break up with our boyfriend, who are we? If our kids move out, who are we? If we lose our job, who are we? I'm sure every woman reading this has encountered this crisis at some point - the feeling of complete emptiness because we feel that we lost ourselves in our relationships. People are going to try and tell you this is a weakness. On the contrary, "It is a glory that reflects the heart of God" (Eldredge 29). We are made in the image of God. Even our own God of the universe defines himself in his relationships - The Trinity! "We are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for a transcendent purpose" (Eldredge 12). We want to be needed. God "does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman" (Eldredge 34). We all have an intense longing to be needed by our boyfriend, husband, children, or co-workers. We want to play an irreplaceable role in the lives of others and their adventures. That in and of itself is our adventure. 

"To Unveil Beauty"
     This particular section was the most difficult for me to comprehend. I am the definition of a girly girl. I love things to be pretty, sparkly, and pink. (Side story... one of my best friends from high school actually had a theory that if anything was sparkly and pink, there was a significantly higher chance of me buying it. In fact, it was almost guaranteed. He's right!!) Even though I knew this was true about me, I have friends that are completely the opposite. They are "tomboys" at heart and could care less if there hair was adorned with a bow or tied back in a simple ponytail. So, I thought to myself, "Are the authors seriously trying to tell me that every woman has a desire to 'unveil beauty'?" Well, yeah. However, it is not the type of beauty we are accustomed to hearing about. I'm not going to bore you by telling you that every woman is beautiful on the inside, because we've all heard it before. Our desire to unveil beauty is a desire to "be captivating in the depths of who [we] are" (Eldredge 17). We want to feel that we are beautiful on the inside. We want others to be captivated by that beauty. More importantly, we want to find that inner beauty in everything we encounter.

     These characteristics are a part of us. John and Stasi Eldredge write, "Just like God, a woman is not a problem to be solved but a vast wonder to be enjoyed" (Eldredge 42). We are made this way for a purpose. The world "desperately needs" the "radiance hidden" in our hearts (Eldredge 43). 
     Like I said previously, the book obviously goes into MUCH deeper explanations of these three characteristics with a multitude of examples. I encourage anyone who is interested to pick up a copy and take a look, even if that's the only section you look at! If you forget everything I've written, that's fine... but I hope I can leave you with one message: The desires we women have in our hearts, are not defects. They are not weaknesses. God made us with those desires, and He doesn't make mistakes. We have them for a reason, and we shouldn't let anyone convince us otherwise. Our loving Father gave these longings to us because He knows that in him, we can find fulfillment of all of the cries of our heart. We may also one day find fulfillment to them in the form of a husband, a child, etc. But those things, as perfect as they may be, are finite. God guarantees to us that he can fill these desires indefinitely... that's a lot of love.

Beautiful Quotes

Reflections on "Captivating" Series

     I'm currently reading a wonderful book entitled Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. This book was actually recommended to me by my friend Rachel (check out her blog here!) about a year and a half ago. I could see a change in her as she read the book. From the outside, she always seemed to have a very strong faith life. But after reading Captivating, Rachel really shined as a woman of God in such a greater way than she had before. I saw her and thought, "That's what I want." So naturally, I went ahead and bought the book. I started reading it and was hooked! But, for one reason or another, I put it down and forgot about it for a while. I never got past the first two chapters... :(
     The second to last week of the fall 2012 semester (while I was packing up my dorm) I found Captivating in my bookshelf, completely forgetting that I had even packed it. I sat down and started to read it, again falling in love with the first two chapters. You can guess what happened next, I stopped and put it right back on the bookshelf. The first 40 pages changed my perspective on life so drastically that I needed a bit of a break before proceeding.
     I went back home for Christmas break and within the course of seven days, my life completely changed (refer to previous blog post). Many people assume I'm referring to some individual traumatic event. But on the contrary, it was just a number of things that all happened in my personal, academic, and family life in such a short period of time that sent me spiraling in despair. I was so absolutely lost that I decided to open up this book once more... at 3:00am on a Saturday night (Sunday morning?). I read the first 40 pages again and interpreted them in a COMPLETELY different way than I had two weeks previously. Crazy how much can change in such a short period of time, huh?
     This time however, I went well past my usual 40 page stopping point. I sped through half of the book before I thought to myself, "I need to share this with someone!" There were so many passages I was reading that I found incredibly profound. I was worried that if I kept reading at the same pace, I would forget them. So, for the 4th time, I went back to the beginning and started all over... this time, with my pink highlighter in hand. I made a commitment to highlight key passages and make notes of my thoughts.
     I'll be starting a series on Splendid Surprises titled "Reflections on Captivating" where I share these thoughts with you all. I've actually already brainstormed/written a few of the entries I plan on posting, but just haven't had the time to upload. So, a few of the first ones may appear within days of each other. But, I cannot promise the same for the last few. I'm going to take it slow this time and make sure I really savor the message of this beautiful book. I hope you find some inspiration from my posts, or at least short lived entertainment. But I'd like to thank anyone who reads them in advance for finding some importance in the random musings of a somewhat scatter minded college girl. :)

"The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating."

[Excerpt from the back cover of Captivating]

Blog Post Recommendation

     Some of you may have heard of Jackie Francois. She is a Catholic speaker and worship leader. I've had the chance to hear her speak at two Steubenville on the Bayou conferences and host our high school senior retreat with her. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. I am so happy to announce that she is engaged to a Mr. Bobby Angel. (That's seriously his last name... how fitting right?!) They have teamed up in forming a blog chronicling their engagement. 

     I just had a chance to read the second post and fell in love with it. Bobby writes an awesome piece about preparing yourself for your future spouse by striving to be a saint. It's short and sweet but very profound and worth the read. Also, if you're up for it... take a look at the "About Us" section. It tells the story of how they met and ended up engaged. It will absolutely blow your socks off.

Jackie and Bobby's Wedding Blog

Beautiful Quotes

St. Agnes, We Are Loyal To You

     Yesterday morning, St. Agnes opened its doors and welcomed back the class of 2012 for an alumni pancake breakfast and yearbook signing. I know it may sound ridiculous considering the fact that I graduated less than a year ago, but the second I walked into the academy, nostalgia slapped me in the face. I began to reflect on all the fantastic memories that took place on the campuses of Strake, St. Agnes, and the parking lot in between. 
     I cannot put into words just how lovely my high school experience was. Strake and St. Agnes allowed me to meet amazing people who continue to influence my life today. But more importantly, they really instilled in me a set of morals and values that make up my personality. The Dominican influence of St. Agnes and the Jesuit influence of Strake have been invaluable in my development.
     I will never be able to thank my parents enough for sending me to such a phenomenal school. It's the best gift they've ever given me. 

My Thoughts on The Epiphany of the Lord

     Last night, I had the chance to gather with some college students from my home parish for dinner and discussion about last Sunday's gospel. This past Sunday, the Catholic church celebrated the Epiphany - the day the three Magi arrived to visit baby Jesus. (The official gospel can be found on the USCCB website.)
     Two parts of this specific reading really struck me.
     Firstly, I was interested in King Herod's response to the birth of Jesus. You see, King Herod at the time of Jesus' birth was the king of the Jews. When he heard that a new King had been born, he felt threatened. As a response, he directed the Magi to "go and search diligently" for the newborn child. Put yourself in King Herod's position. You are a high and mighty king and then out of nowhere some prophet says that a little baby has just been born who is going to take over your title? Yeah, I don't think so. So instead of just "brushing this off," Herod did everything in his power to find this baby because just by His existence, Jesus had the power to change Herod's entire life.
     What if we put just as much effort into finding Jesus? Obviously, not for the same reasons as King Herod, but with the same desperation nevertheless. Herod wanted to find Jesus in order to remove Him from his life. We however, should be motivated to find Jesus in order to allow Him to transform our lives. It has always been said that the best things are worth searching for. I can assure you, my friends, that if anything could be considered a "best thing," it would be Jesus Christ.
     Secondly, I was amazed at the incredible power that Jesus possessed, even as an infant. The gospel says that when the Magi saw Him, they immediately "prostrated themselves and did him homage." Again, picture this. Three grown men, who are all incredibly educated and widely recognized fall to their knees at the sight of a baby. Woah, that's pretty incredible.
     Fr. Ron Rolheiser actually wrote a piece entitled "The Power of Powerlessness" which examines this phenomenon. He shares some terrific insight on the characteristics that a baby possesses which makes him ultimately more powerful than any other human being. One of the most beautiful lines in his article states, "Its innocent, wordless presence, without physical strength, can transform a room and a heart in a way that guns, muscle, and charisma cannot." Fr. Rolheiser reminds us that when the gospels speak of Jesus' power, they describe it as "exousia." Exousia could best be translated into vulnerability in our present day speech. That's right, vulnerability.
     Nowadays we are used to thinking of vulnerability as a bad thing, a way in which we lose the power we work so hard for. However, if Jesus Christ, who I believe to be the most powerful human being to ever walk the earth possessed exousia, shouldn't I be striving for that type of power as well? It's definitely not easy. Exousia is a "quiet, moral power that demands infinite patience and a long-term perspective." Be that as it may, if it is good enough for Jesus Christ, it's definitely good enough for me.
     My goal is to become more familiar in practicing this type of power... the power of silence, quiet, vulnerability, exousia. The power of powerlessness.

It Was The Night Things Changed

     I've never really been the kind of person who thinks the New Year is a "big deal." In my mind, the years just blend together. Every January just seems like an extended December; my life stays exactly the same. This year however, I feel differently. 
     In the past month, I've gone through a lot of change. I used to believe that I was fairly good at handling change. Now I realize that the only reason I believed that was because I never was really faced with any major life altering situations. As unfortunate as it is, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not particularly open to change. I love my life the way it is and see no reason to fix something that isn't broken. I selfishly failed to realize however, that sometimes destiny has other plans. Things cannot always go my way and I have been forced to learn how to work through that.
     I'm not going to lie, these changes have definitely not been easy. I've suffered more loneliness, frustration, desperation, confusion, and heartbreak in the past four weeks than I have in my entire life. However, if it hadn't been for these changes, I never would have fully appreciated the incredible support system I have in terms of my faith, family, and friends. The words of wisdom and inspiration they've shared with me have been incredibly valuable to me and my growth as a person. The interesting part is, had it not been for the struggles of the past month, I may have never had the chance to hear this advice.
     We, as human beings, are creatures of habit. We become comfortable in our lives and avoid all conflict as a way to prevent crisis. However, as one of my high school teachers once said, "Crisis propels you into the next stage of life." Looking back at the past 18 years, I believe this is true. Think about the first time you became aware of the fact that you were no longer a kid. This critical moment in your life was a result of some crisis you encountered where you felt your role as a child was no longer appropriate. 
     I've encountered a crisis where the role I've been playing for the past three years or so is no longer suitable to live within the circumstances of my life. Sure, at first, it's sad. But this sadness is actually fear in disguise. We have a fear that the next stage of life will not be as good as the previous one. What we need to remember is that fear is a choice. The circumstances of our lives are not in our control, but the way we react to them is. 
     This year, I don't have any resolutions. Instead, I'm making a lifestyle change to stop allowing myself to fear.