Reflections on "Captivating" #4

     Reflection #3 of this series probably left some of you feeling unsatisfied. I've explained the fact that our hearts our wounded. I've even explained the reason why these wounds are necessary. But, all of us share one common goal of trying to find a way to heal ourselves. That right there is our biggest problem - we try to fix ourselves. Why do we honestly think we have that ability? Obviously if we were capable of taking such good care of our hearts, we wouldn't have allowed them to be attacked in the first place. 
     For those of you that truly believe what was written in my previous reflection, you should understand that attempting to build ourselves up on our own is counterproductive. Now, don't get me wrong, we shouldn't throw ourselves a pity party and surrender to defeat. We should however, surrender to God. He is the only guaranteed way in which we will be completely healed. The world we live in is going to trick you into thinking that other things can heal you, but that's where we get ourselves into trouble again.
     We've already acknowledged the fact that nothing but a close relationship with God can bring us ultimate happiness. So, when those things fail, doesn't it seem silly to once again turn to everything other than Him? How preposterous does this sound? We live our lives running in this continuous circle. It's time to wake up, realize how dumb we're being, and change it! God is ready. You don't need to convince Him to heal you or beg Him for help, He knows your heart better than you do. All you need to do is give Him permission. We have a loving and just God. That means, He has not and will never FORCE you into a relationship with Him. But, like a patient lover, He is always present and available to help you. Let Him in! 
     I know that this isn't easy. It feels funny and a little awkward to tell the creator of the universe, "Okay, I guess you can help me now." But don't let that awkward feeling prevent you from asking. If you're having trouble, tell Him that! I have the hardest time accepting defeat and asking Him for help. But, instead of just forgoing that process all together, I pray to Him. Seriously, my prayer sounds so silly, "God, I know I need help but I really don't want to ask you for it. Will you please help me realize that I need you? Help me stop acting like I can do this on my own." 
     Realize that when we invite God to heal us, He is going to shake us. He agrees to heal our hearts if we work alongside Him. The way we do this is by forgiving. I sound like a kindergarten teacher, but we cannot go our entire lives holding a grudge. Just because you don't feel a deep hatred for someone at the sound of their name doesn't mean you're not holding a grudge against them. We absolutely HAVE to forgive all the people that have hurt us, not just ignore the pain that they caused. If we don't, we are allowing that wound to continue growing deeper in our hearts, even if we are convinced we've forgotten about it. Neil Armstrong tells us, "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made." Take my word, this is absolutely true. Just try it. But remember, forgiving is not saying "It didn't really matter..." "I probably deserved part of it anyway..." Forgiveness is saying "It was wrong, very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you, I give you up to God" (Eldredge 104). Forgiving does not mean telling someone "It's okay." Because quite frankly, it's not. It is saying, "I refuse to let myself become captive of the pain you have caused me. I refuse to allow this pain to transform into hate." As soon as we accept that definition of forgiveness, it becomes much easier to practice. 
     Don't allow your wound (whatever it may be) burn in your heart any longer. We don't need to subject ourselves to the suffering. God is ready to take it away from you... let Him have it!