It Was The Night Things Changed

     I've never really been the kind of person who thinks the New Year is a "big deal." In my mind, the years just blend together. Every January just seems like an extended December; my life stays exactly the same. This year however, I feel differently. 
     In the past month, I've gone through a lot of change. I used to believe that I was fairly good at handling change. Now I realize that the only reason I believed that was because I never was really faced with any major life altering situations. As unfortunate as it is, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not particularly open to change. I love my life the way it is and see no reason to fix something that isn't broken. I selfishly failed to realize however, that sometimes destiny has other plans. Things cannot always go my way and I have been forced to learn how to work through that.
     I'm not going to lie, these changes have definitely not been easy. I've suffered more loneliness, frustration, desperation, confusion, and heartbreak in the past four weeks than I have in my entire life. However, if it hadn't been for these changes, I never would have fully appreciated the incredible support system I have in terms of my faith, family, and friends. The words of wisdom and inspiration they've shared with me have been incredibly valuable to me and my growth as a person. The interesting part is, had it not been for the struggles of the past month, I may have never had the chance to hear this advice.
     We, as human beings, are creatures of habit. We become comfortable in our lives and avoid all conflict as a way to prevent crisis. However, as one of my high school teachers once said, "Crisis propels you into the next stage of life." Looking back at the past 18 years, I believe this is true. Think about the first time you became aware of the fact that you were no longer a kid. This critical moment in your life was a result of some crisis you encountered where you felt your role as a child was no longer appropriate. 
     I've encountered a crisis where the role I've been playing for the past three years or so is no longer suitable to live within the circumstances of my life. Sure, at first, it's sad. But this sadness is actually fear in disguise. We have a fear that the next stage of life will not be as good as the previous one. What we need to remember is that fear is a choice. The circumstances of our lives are not in our control, but the way we react to them is. 
     This year, I don't have any resolutions. Instead, I'm making a lifestyle change to stop allowing myself to fear.